How are you Measuring Happiness?

I've recently begun working for a salary again, the first time receiving a pay check since 1999! It's fascinating returning after 20+ years working for myself. It's weird too. In order to do anything I need to discuss it with others, run it by different departments, ask for help, pass certain actions up the line and down the line. The biggest thing I have noticed is the amount of energy caught up in confused activity - so much wastage!

When you work for yourself you basically do everything - if you want to update the website, you update the website. If you want toilet paper in the toilets, you go buy toilet paper. If you want to change the strategic plan for 2022, you change the strategic plan. When you work for a company as an employee you can easily get stuck in the "not my job" mentality and this can lead to inertia, complaining, disempowerment, a sense of stuckness.

I have noticed in my short time in this new role, that segmenting tasks into "my job" and "your job" is only as good as the understanding of why we are doing a particular job. You need to know the outcome of things. For example I was asked to set up measurements for my therapies, but when I asked what these measurements were needed for, how they are used, no-one seemed to know. Am I comparing my therapy with another therapy being offered? Am I comparing patients before and after? Am I comparing patients on my therapy versus the patients without therapy? As you can imagine, each of these outcomes require completely different measurements.

But all people seem to know is "we need to be accountable, and we need to quantify things". I'm looking at things as a business owner and thinking - hmmmm. Measuring for the sake of measuring is a complete waste of energy, and sets you up for failure.

This reminds me of the Steven Covey Lesson in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People; "Begin with the End in Mind". It got me thinking about so many things happening around us at the moment.

I wonder what we would re-engineer or re-think if we were clear about our own End in Mind. What is our greater vision for our own futures? I don't mean this in any grandiose way, conquering the world with Reiki, or becoming some world renown healer...I mean simply, "where are you headed?" If you want peace in your life, you need to let go of what takes you into war. If you want autonomy, you need to let go of what keeps you enslaved. If you want happiness, you have to stop clinging onto your unhappiness.

This may seem obvious, just as obvious as my enquiry "what am I measuring this for?" But think about it, do you actually measure your actions, your thinking, your language against any measurement geared towards your goals?

Let's say your goal is to be "at peace" - do you take note every time you are not at peace, and then let go the resistance to whatever throws you off? It's a tough thing to do! And somewhere in our resistance is the urge to be right, or righteous. To be heard, validated, appreciated which, at the time, is more important than our goal to be peaceful. How often have you thought "this or that will make me more at peace", when you fix this issue, or help this person, or tell that person how they wronged you. Does that feel peaceful to you, all this fixing and doing? Or could you just measure each thought and action - "is this peace?" - and if it's not, let it go.

It's an interesting experiment, to notice what you say you want and then what you do to allow that, and what you do that doesn't allow that. When are you reacting or responding in a way that moves you away from your path? You'll see that it does require tough questions, and tough insights. You have to see how our egos prefer righteousness to peace, blame to autonomy, suffering to happiness.

When I was disentangling from a difficult relationship, one of the hardest things was to drop my need for an apology, an acknowledgement of wrongdoing. My ego was screaming at me that I needed this, I was right and they should admit it. But my End in Mind is inner peace, and my ego hanging on to resentment and anger was certainly not inner peace. It was a very hard thing to let go of, all my righteousness. But I have to say, it was totally worth it. The great thing is, once you've let go of the hard stuff, then all the other stuff becomes easy by comparison. You also see very clearly that righteousness really gets you nothing but tightness and maybe temporary satisfaction. It never brings inner peace, happiness or contentment.

But in order to get what you want, you actually have to move with it, engage with it, surrender to it. And that can be very hard and challenging work.

So, what's your End in Mind?